This fine piece of fuschia headgear was donated to the Big Bum Jumble by a retired MI5 agent. While the hat looks exactly like the kind of thing a teary-eyed mother would wear to an offspring’s wedding, it is in fact an incredibly advanced piece of spyware, and has, over the course of the last decade, averted several national security disasters. The hat’s genius lies in the netting which acts to disguise the true identity of the wearer, much like Clark Kent’s geeky specs. It also functions as a radio-wave scanner that intercepts enemy communications on almost any frequency. The elastic chin strap doubles as a garotte for use in emergencies while the head band is lead-lined to prevent penetration of x-rays. The flower decoration houses an advanced GPS system and homing device which can be activated should the wearer be stranded in hostile territory.
The hat has been fully decommissioned and would fit pretty much any sized head.
By Bill Savage
* Some of these facts might need to be corroborated.
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